Wednesday, July 29, 2009

I'm So Excited!

It's Wednesday's Walk again! Please join us if you want. You can visit Lynnette's blog to see what it's all about!

I've been waiting to tell this memory. It's actually not my memory. It really belongs to my husband, but it means so much to me and I know you'll enjoy it as well.

Back to our story.....
I was born & raised Catholic. It's a strange thing to try to describe. I kind of think that once your Catholic, it's like being Jewish, you are always Catholic. I don't know if that makes any sense, but anyway. I went to a Catholic grade school until I graduated from the 8th grade and then I made the HUGE leap to public schools. Talk about culture shock!!!!!

My husband wasn't really raised with any sort of christian background. He went to church a few times growing up, but never really had a chance to learn what it meant to be a christian and certainly didn't have a relationship with Our Lord & Savior.

After we got married and more importantly after we had our 1st born, I struggled with how to raise her. I wanted to make sure I was doing everything PERFECT! (HA!)
I would talk to my husband about going to church and he would go with me, if I REALLY wanted him to, but he just never seemed to get anything out of it. Needless to say, we didn't attend very often.

Fast forward about 5yrs to 2003. Some very good friends of ours invited us to a bible study that they were going to at a couples' house (Bill & Mary Harrison). They were just starting a new series called "A Purpose Driven Life". It was opened to any denomination. It was quite a drive for us, but I REALLY wanted to go. I asked Tiger (my husband) several times and he pretty much blew me off and kept saying NO! Finally, I told him that I had decided that I was going by myself, but I really didn't want to drive that far by myself, especially for the 1st time. So he VERY reluctantly said that he would go with me for the 1st time to make sure I made it to the right place safely, but I better not EVER ask him to go again, because the answer would be NO! (You're already guessing what happened next aren't you?)

He went with me and was so moved and overwhelmed that he just had to come back to see what it was all about. He had questions every week and his curiosity was exciting to watch. Neither one of us really had a bible, so Bill gave us each our own bible. We finished the series and kept going every week. Tiger kept coming back with more questions and he would read his bible diligently. Bill was so nice. He told Tiger he could call him anytime day or night with any questions that he had, and Tiger did.

After several months of going to bible study every week, Bill finally asked Tiger what he was waiting for. Tiger was a bit confused. He said, "What do you mean?" Bill said, "What's keeping you from giving your life to Christ?" And (I'm gonna cry), Tiger said, "NOTHING!" So of course Bill said, "Then let's do it!" He kneeled down next to Tiger and put his hand on him and they prayed together and gave his life to Christ! I cried and Bill cried (I'm not sure if there was a dry eye in the room). The next week Bill prepared a celebration dinner in honor of Tiger. It was a day that I will never forget!!!!

Growing up Catholic, I don't really have a memory of when I "came to Christ". I can't remember a time that I didn't know about Him or believe, so I love to share my husband's story. I separated myself from the Lord for several years, but when my husband started his walk, it drew me closer then I've ever been before. I kind of feel like his walk, has become "our" walk.

Tiger and I thank God everyday for our friends that invited us and to Bill and Mary for opening their hearts and home to us. I wish I had pictures of Bill & Mary, but never thought about taking a camera at the time. Our lives are forever changed!

The story continues of course, but I don't want to make this too long so I'll save the rest for another Wednesday's Walk! Thanks for sharing this precious moment with us!

Monday, July 27, 2009

Busy Weekend = Not Much Sleep

Whew! Fun, but glad it's over.

Friday started out with a darling dance recital featuring both my girls! What a rare treat. They are spread out enough age wise that they don't normally do too many things together at the same time. They had been to dance camp all week at church and at the end of dance camp was the recital.

The theme for dance camp was "Every Little Girl is a Princess". They had fun & performed again at two of the services on Sunday morning.

Saturday was pretty exciting as well. We had a cookout at the park with Harli's softball team. It sprinkled & rained a little bit, but the kids didn't mind. They had a good time.

After that, we went home to change clothes and off to Hutchinson! My brother-in-law is a race car driver and he travels a lot. We don't get to see him race very often, so when he's close enough, we try to go. He raced Friday night and Saturday night and did REALLY well. He won his heat race and the A feature Friday night and he won his heat race and got 2nd Saturday night. Very exciting! We are very proud of him!!! I didn't get any pictures, but wished I would have. The races didn't get over until after midnight and they had fireworks afterwards. Needless to say, after driving home and unloading we didn't get to bed until ALMOST 3:00 AM! Then, got up to go to church Sunday morning. NOT ENOUGH SLEEP!!!!

Today wasn't the best day & I know why! I normally start my day in prayer and today I didn't. I could tell a difference all day. The day just didn't go right. The girls and I slept in because we didn't get much sleep over the weekend. When we finally got up, I was already being beckoned for chocolate milk and from there on it didn't stop. I was having a hard time appreciating life and all the joys that come with it. I got on the computer and came across a blog that just made me sob and reminded me how precious life really is ( God sent me a reminder. Thank you Christina for sharing your precious little boy with all of us.

I love life and my precious family and I am thankful to God everyday for all the joy he brings. I can't wait to see my baby girl again and hold her. I'm ready to go now, but I want to take the rest of my family with me!

Friday, July 24, 2009

A Family Fun Day & A Beautiful Picture To Share!

Yesterday was really a fun day. We got to spend some rare quality time with daddy. He was off yesterday and we decided to go to the zoo! We hadn't seen the tigers yet so we spent most of the time there, but got to see some other things too.

We cherish the time that we get to spend with daddy, because he is gone a lot working. I'm very thankful that he provides for our family and that I'm able to be home with the girls, but mostly he's doing what he LOVES, driving a truck! His daddy was a truck driver and he's been driving since the day he could legally. Being a truck driver means that we don't see him as much as we would like, but there have been times that we have seen him even less, so we are grateful. He's here almost daily or nightly, but sometimes for very short for brief periods and it's during the night (when we are already asleep) and didn't even know he was here because he's up and gone before we get up. Needless to say, he doesn't get much sleep. But he tries to be home as much as possible and we're happy about that.

In order for us to go to the zoo, we unfortunately had to be there during what would normally be Kenidi's nap time, but believe it or not, she was really good! She still got her nap, but it was just later then she's used to. Sometimes it's ok to bend the rules, right? It's worth it when you get to spend good quality time together as a family!

She's lovin' on daddy! LOVE IT!

My oldest, Harli LOVES the zoo! A day at the zoo is a fabulous day for her!!!
She's my little Tiger! Hee Hee! Her daddy's name is Tiger! I don't know how to get that off here. Not sure why it says to see more images????

Have you ever noticed the beauty at the zoo? Harli LOVES flowers so her and I were just in awe of the beautiful flowers that we saw while we were there!
I wish I could figure out how to put all these next to each other instead of all under each other?????? Things I gotta play with I guess!

On another beautiful note......
Three Generations
I LOVE this picture!
Three generations: Grandma, Mom, Me & My Little Sister

Thanks Shawna for the awesome picture and the awesome friendship and fellowship. Can't wait till next year! Look out KC here we come! I have to say, if you've never had the chance to experience Women of Faith, I highly recommend it!

That's it for today, but you can bet I'll be back!

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

A Piece Of Our History for Wednesdays Walk

I forgot to mention that "Wednesday's Walk" is from Lynnette Kraft's blog:
You can click on either button above to join or read what it's all about!

Our Wedding Picture
(We were SO MUCH younger then!!:))

Last time I posted, I talked about the memory of the loss of our daughter. This time I'm going to write about a happier memory and give a little glimpse of our history.

My husband & I started dating when I was 18 & he was 19. We dated for 7yrs before he finally proposed & we finally got married. I say that like I was waiting, but in reality, I loved my life just the way it was & really didn't care if we were married or not. We were "living the good life" so to speak. We were (and still are) best friends and spent nearly 24/7 with each other. We lived together (wasn't exactly the right choice) and we also worked together. That's where we met. Anyway, when he proposed, I didn't exactly respond they way you would think I should have. I think I said something like, "What? We didn't discuss this!" and of course his response was, "Does that mean yes or no?" I did finally say, "Yeah, I guess, but you sort of caught me off guard. I wasn't prepared for that at all!" Which was the truth. I feel awful thinking about it now. How shocked and hurt he must have felt. I just had honestly not thought about getting married and wasn't sure I was ready (I guess 7yrs isn't long enough:)). I did a lot of thinking and decided that I certainly couldn't see myself dating anyone else, and I KNOW I didn't want to start over with anyone else. We had already been through several ups and downs, but we truly did love each other and made it through (by the grace of God).

My younger sister and older brother had both just gotten married in the previous 5yrs and my parents made a suggestion that we "go away" somewhere and get married. My siblings weddings were very stressful for my parents. They were certainly going to support us if we decided not to, but the opportunity to travel and not go through the stress of a big wedding sounded awful appealing! They of course laced the thought with the support of money as well! So we thought about it and really we had already been living together and dating for 7yrs and neither one of us thought we needed a big wedding. So we decided to go to Vegas! We had several people that went as well. I have a cousin that lives in Vegas, so of course he came to the wedding. Both my parents, my sister and my best friend and her husband (that is also my husband's good friend).
The Whole Wedding Party

It was such a beautiful wedding! We got married in the Riveria and they did a fantastic job! I couldn't have been happier! Everyone else was just there for the wedding and then went home afterwards, but we stayed there for a week (which was plenty long enough in Vegas) and did some sight seeing and just had a fantastic time.

When we got back from Vegas we had a huge reception. Not sure that we ended up saving any money by not having a big wedding, but we had a great time. We were still able to share our special occasion with all of our friends and family that couldn't go to Vegas with us.

Tiger & I toasting at our Wedding reception

My Daddy & Me

Sometimes I think that maybe we should have had a traditional wedding back here with all of our friends and family in a church, but I don't regret it. We are where we are now because of the decisions that we've made and the path that was laid out for us.

We did a lot of things the wrong way, but we've learned from our mistakes and we are better for it now. I have so much more to share from that moment up until now, but you'll just have to wait until next time to see what that is!

I have got to figure this whole blogging thing out! It took me just about all day to get it done with the pictures! WHEW!

Thanks for enjoying our memory!

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

My first Wednesday's Walk

I'm sort of new at this. I've had my blog for quite a while, but just never really knew what to do with it. I've been following a "friend" of mine's blog and decided to give it another try. The "friend" that I'm referring to is Lynnette Kraft. Her blog is I use the quotations when I say friend because I've never actually met her in person, yet she's been such a great friend to me. She reached out to me after a mutual friend of ours told her about Bayli. This mutual friend also sent me a copy of Lynnette's book titled In Faithfulness, He Afflicted Me. I've started reading it finally and have just felt inspired, I guess.

A memory to share......well, let's see?? The freshest most meaningful memory that I have right now would be the experience of gaining a daughter and losing her all at the same time. My third daughter Bayli Lucille was stillborn on April 28, 2009. I can tell you that my husband and I thought we were done before we found out we were pregnant again. Needless to say we were unpleasantly surprised at the time. I still feel guilty about that. I now know that any blessing from God is something to be excited about. It took me a while to feel really connected to Bayli because I was very scared. We had just gone through a miscarriage about 1 1/2yrs earlier. That was partly why we had made the decision that we weren't going to have any more. It was a very difficult thing to go through and I didn't think I had the strength to go through it again. Boy did God show me how wrong I was. I was about 6 months along when she was stillborn. By that time, the love and connection was VERY strong. I had started to finally look to the future for her and make plans.

The night before I had Bayli, I already knew something was wrong. I hadn't felt her move all day, but tried not to worry, but that's all I did. I layed awake all night just praying. I prayed for God to give me strength. I knew I couldn't do it without him. I just kept saying through my tears, "God I'm giving this to you, because I can't do it!" God came through, of course. He surrounded us with family and friends. Was it the most difficult thing I've ever had to go through? YES! Am I still grieving? YES! I pray daily for strength from God. I can't wait until the day that I can see Bayli and the other baby again. I know they are together and I'm thankful for that. I now have two girls together here and two girls together in heaven. The baby that was a miscarriage was too early to tell if it was a boy or girl, but I'm guessing it was another girl. Who knows, maybe I'll be surprised when I get to see him or her!

Well, when I started to post, I really wanted to write about something that was much more light hearted or funny, but I realized that maybe I should share my story first. Anyway, I'll save that for next time. Thanks for letting me share my memory. It really does help to be able to talk to others about it.

Please join me on Wednesday's Walk and don't forget to hop on over to Lynette's site. She's AWESOME!


Monday, July 6, 2009

My journey has taken a turn......

It's taken me a while to post, but here I am! I realized that when I wrote my last post that I was pregnant at the time, but didn't know it. Most of you (probably all of you) know that Bayli Lucille Lowmaster was stillborn on April 28, 2009. Although I'm still grieving and sad, I look to the Lord for strength and comfort. I've had some people ask me how I can remain so strong in my faith after what happened and the answer is......It's all I have! The truth is, I can't do it alone. It's too hard, it's too overwhelming & frankly....I'm just not that strong. Our grief has brought our family closer together. We all know that each of us is hurting in our own way and when you are in that kind of tread lightly on each other's feelings. I'm not going to tell you that we don't still get mad at each other, but it's less often and for shorter periods of time. I'm a different person because of Bayli. I love her and miss her everyday, but can't wait until the day that I can see her and hold her again.

I have a new found understanding of anyone who has had to bury a child. It wasn't by choice, but I have found that in this "community" we all help each other. It definitely has helped me to be able to talk to others that have gone through what we have gone through. If there is anyone that you know or that is reading this and is struggling with a similar grief, please let me help. It would help me as well.

I hope that I can at least try to get back here once a week, but no promises. I'm not going to stress about it if I don't. Thanks for listening and hope to "see" you again soon!