Figuring out what I want to do with the rest of my life!

I've been lost for a LONG time..... It's taken me a while to get back here for a few reasons. 1st, I couldn't sign in because I can no longer access the email address that I used for this blog a LONG time ago and I finally fixed that problem. Honestly, I just didn't take a whole lot of time until now to try to figure that out. 2nd, LIFE happened! I'm not good at sticking with a lot of things. I love change. Now that makes me think that I love routine too. Maybe I'm just not sure what I love. :) Anyway, here I am. I'm not promising that I will be here often, because I don't like to make a promise to myself or anyone else that I don't feel confident that I will keep. The computer is not something I like to sit at for too long. I would rather get something else done. I don't sit still for very long. This is also the reason I don't watch TV. I would rather go outside for a run, walk, or bike ride. I will try to come back again to play catch up on what all has taken place in LIFE since my last post, but for now.....I need help!!! Anyway, I have a dilema and I thought if I write about it, then maybe I will find an answer or feel better. I have been on a journey to complete my elementary education degree, or at least getting back to the journey that I started MANY years ago. I restarted this journey about 2yrs ago. I finally completed my Associated Degree from BCCC in May. I have been trying all summer to get enrolled in classes at FHSU online to complete the rest of my degree. Needless to say, it has NOT been easy. I've been jumping through hoops and it's down to the wire. Classes start on Monday and I'm still not enrolled in any classes. There are a list of reasons why. It's not that I haven't been trying! So.....with all the problems that I've had, I started to question if this is really what I am supposed to be doing. Maybe there's a reason it has been so difficult. Maybe I'm on the wrong path! Maybe it's just hard and I'm making this into way more than I should. I don't know!!!! So, I stated wondering what else I might want to do if I decided NOT to do elementary education. I started thinking about things I love and are passionate about. The 1st thing I thought of was health. Being healthy is very important to me. Not just exercise, but eating healthy as well. Maybe I should pursue a degree that might include something about health. My next thought was that I really do LOVE spending time in the school and helping kids and making a difference...teaching. SO......how can I include both? PE teacher??? Maybe??? I have never even given that a thought until a couple days ago. My problem with this new epiphany is that an elementary education degree doesn't require the same classes as a PE degree and same for a PE degree. I AM DOWN TO THE WIRE! I have to enroll.....like today if I'm going to continue on the elementary education path and if I decide to pursue a PE degree....I will probably have to forgo this semester all together and enroll for that next semester. WHAT DO I DO??????

My Sweet Baby Girl

It's been 5 months today since we lost our baby girl, Bayli. I long for her and miss her. I'm still struggling with some issues that surround our great loss, but I've learned to give it to Him instead of trying to do it myself. It's just not possible.

I know that God gave us Bayli for a reason. Even if it was but a short time. I felt her in my womb, and I still think occasionally I "feel" her. Some of that could be because I WANT to feel her. My faith has grown stronger since we said goodbye to our daughter. I just know that the closer to Christ I am, the closer to Bayli I am. I am at peace knowing that Bayli will never have to bear this enormous heartache.

Most everyone knows the 23rd Psalm:

"The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures, he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul, he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies, thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever."

I pray every day because prayer works. Just give it to God. The hard part is not taking it back once we've given it to him. We weren't designed to be able to "carry" the weight of the world. I was blessed during my suffering. I asked God to please take away the loneliness of sorrow, and he reminded me that I have the most compassionate family and friends in the world. God is in control. We may not get the answer that we want, but God hears our prayer and has a plan for us.

Sometimes I fall short and find myself praying for things that I want, but then I stop and realize that just because it's something that I want, doesn't mean that it's something that I NEED! God provides everything I NEED, and my cup runneth over!

Randomness!

Well a few random thoughts around here!

The first thing, I got part 1 of my new hair style done today! YEA! I needed some help desperately. I wish I would have taken a pic after she got done styling it today. I know I'll NEVER be able to style it as good as she did. It looked so cute. Now that I've already gotten ready for bed and it's up in a pony tail, I can't really show ya what it looks like, but part 2 will be coming in about 4 weeks and then I'll give the BIG reveal!!!

Second thing, I'm so excited that I get to have coffee with one of my best friends tomorrow morning. I LOVE our Friday morning Starbucks coffee fellowship time!!!! I think I'm in the mood for a Pumpkin something tomorrow mmmmm.....! Who knows, I could change my mind before then. HEE HEE

Third thing, my husband gets to share his faith story at church Sunday morning. I'm so excited for him. They are focusing on evangelism this month and they are asking people to share how they were brought to faith. He's the first one that gets to share their story and it's a good one if I do say so myself ;)!

And fourth and last, my poor daughter is mourning the loss of 2 goldfish :(. I felt so bad for her. She cried for 1/2 hour when the first one died. Some how we went from a no pet, no animal home to a home that now has: 1 (9mo old very excited lab) puppy, 1 horse, 1 long horn steer, & 5 goldfish. I better clarify a little bit of that. The horse and the long horn steer are actually at my brother-in-law's house. I don't think the city would allow us to keep them in our small back yard! HA! And now we are down to 3 goldfish and we are praying that they make it. Not sure what went wrong other then I think we just ended up with a few bad fish. And the story of how we got the 5 goldfish is pretty funny too. Maybe I'll share that tomorrow!

I don't have any pics to share today, but I did drive by the house that I lived in until I was 3yrs old! HEE HEE!




I actually do remember it, vaguely, but I DO remember it. It's amazing that the 5 of us lived in this tiny little house, but what's even more amazing is the house that my father grew up in. My grandpa still lives in that house and there were 7 of them!!! I don't have any pictures of it, but I wasn't too far from it. I should have stopped by and took some pictures of it as well, but had to get back to pick my baby up from preschool.

And lastly, wish I had a good camera, but this is the best I could do with what I have. What a beautiful sunset as we had a nice birthday dinner out on a patio with my dad Tuesday evening.

Happy Birthday Daddy!!!!!

My Precious Daddy & I Sharing Our Father Daughter Dance At My Wedding Reception!!!



My Precious Daddy (& Mom) By My Side When We Lost Our Precious Baby, Bayli(Tad bit emotional for me to see the pictures of my baby girl. I love her & miss her everyday!)


Thank you Daddy for always being there for me! I love you!

That's all I can manage right now.......

Where Did I Go?

No where! Isn't that sad :(. I keep intending to get a new post up, really I do. I think of these great ideas throughout the day and then when it's time to sit down, they're gone! So, in other words, I can't think of much to write about. It's probably going to be a little random, sorry for that! I'll try to do better, I promise!

I've been struggling to get myself back into the routine of things. This getting up early is not as easy to do anymore. I love getting up early when it's not planned, or when it's to go workout, but not to have to wake my sweetly sleeping babies up!

Sorry Dear Hubby Doesn't Know He's In This Pic! I Couldn't Resist, Can You See Kenidi's Hand Across His Neck? HEE HEE

I just can't hardly stand to wake them up (and they can't stand it either!)

My allergies have literally been HORRIBLE these past few weeks!!!! I just can't find a good remedy yet (I've been trying everything I have). I get short snippets of relief, but then the symptoms just come back. My dear hubby probably did the smart thing and got a shot a couple of weeks ago. I'm just too chicken, but the suffering is about to do me in! And my sweet little Kenidi unfortunately has allergies as well :(. Poor baby! I feel so bad for her. I know how I feel, and to know that my baby is suffering, is worse than the suffering that I'm going through. She wakes up sneezing, sniffing and rubbing her eyes & ears every morning. I've not taken her to the doc yet. I'm trying to find something for her that will work. The Benadryl is supposed to be non-drowsy, but I think it really knocks her out and I don't like that. We think we found out not that long ago that she must be fairly allergic to cats as well. She had a really bad reaction after we had visited my in-laws and she was outside playing with all the kitties. At least that's what we think it was. On the way home, I looked back at her in her car seat and her eyes were not only red and swollen, but they had little bumps all the way around both eyes. The picture (taken from my not so good camera on my phone) doesn't show it quite as well as in person, but believe me, it was enough to make a momma worry!

Poor Baby, She's Trying To Smile!

And she was so stuffy all of a sudden that she was having a hard time breathing. It really kind of scared me, but I knew it was an allergic reaction to something so I quickly gave her some Benadryl and within about 30 minutes all the symptoms seemed to have disappeared and she seemed to be just fine.

But on the other hand, if it wasn't for the horrible allergies this time of year, I LOVE the fall weather that we've been having!!!! I've really gotten in the mood lately. I hope I don't jinx anything (watch we'll start having 100 degree weather now), but I've already gotten out SOME of my fall decorations!





I LOVE decorating for the fall. My dear hubby came home one day last week and said, "Is it Halloween already?" HA! I didn't even have the Halloween decorations out yet! I just got a few autumn decorations out, you know, like some pumpkins and leaves and that kind of stuff. I even got a new candle last week that REALLY got me in the mood!!!! MMMMMM, it smells so yummy! I wish I could put the smell on here somehow. Now I'm ready to start making some (lowfat beleive it or not) pumpkin muffins!!!! They are yummy!!!!!!!!!! And along with that, I'm ready for a Starbucks pumpkin spice! Oh, I'm making myself hungry!!! I almost forgot about the Autumn Treat ice cream that I got as well.....mmmmmmm so good!

Ok, I think I'm going to go indulge a little ;) I couldn't resist!!!!

Celebrating Less!!!!!

Well.....I haven't been here for a while, sorry! Just keep thinking I'm going to get a chance, and well....something (or someone) takes a priority! But that's ok.

I'm actually thankful for the "family" time that we've had these last few weeks. We decided to cut back on our activities, and I think it's made a difference. Our oldest daughter decided she didn't want to play soccer this fall, so that has really made a difference. She still plays the piano, but that's only once a week for about 45mins (except for her practicing everyday). She's also still in girl scouts and that's only twice a month. She really enjoys both of those and I think that's plenty. On top of reducing her activities, my husband and I cut back on ours as well. We were involved with about 4-5 different groups at church and found ourselves there almost EVERY night. Don't get me wrong, I love our church and loved the fellowship with our friends, but it just got to be WAY too much! We were struggling trying to get Harli's homework done, get dinner done, and then figure out where we needed to be and at what time. I LOVE that we have just learned to SLOW down. Less is more! We (well, more me I guess because daddy's not always home) have actually made a point to sit down at almost EVERY meal EVERY day and say grace and eat together! What a joy that is!!!!!! It makes such a difference! I just can't tell you how happy it makes me!!!!!

I always imagined myself being a stay at home mom and doing things the way my momma and my grandma did. I love being here for my children. I love knowing that right wrong or indifferent, succeed or fail, I did it! I raised my children myself (ok maybe not by myself, my husband is an awesome dad as well) and the way they turn out, is due to my rearing. I kinda like the old fashion way of doing things. I like making meals from scratch, although I don't plan ahead very well and that makes it pretty difficult most of the time. I think I might be a bit unorganized as well, but I try. I like crocheting. My grandma taught me, and I think I might be the only grandchild that learned. I like to sew, not so good at it, but it's pretty neat to see a finished product! It seems like we are constantly being pulled in so many different directions. Sometimes it's hard to say NO, but I'm learning to and I think that's a good thing!

I don't have any pictures to share this time. I'll work on that. That seems to take a lot of time to do as well!

So, take a little time to enjoy less!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Birthday Momma!!!!!

This is my Grandma, my momma, ME and my little sister! Isn't this a great snapshot? I love this picture!!!! (Thanks Shawna!)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOMMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Of course my momma holds a special place in my heart. She's ALWAYS been there for me no matter what. I can't always say I've been the "best" daughter (I try :)), but there's always room for improvement.

With that said, I actually have had my mom on my mind a LOT lately. Today, I went to a funeral for the mother of a very dear friend of mine. I'm very sad for her that she doesn't have her mother, but rejoicing that she is finally cancer free and rejoicing with our Savior! When I had the opportunity to talk to my friend about a week before her mom passed, I asked if there was anything that I could do for her. She was very appreciative, but said she really didn't think so. She shared with me that right now (before she passed), that all she was doing was waiting. She said the end is inevitable, we are just hoping that it's peaceful. She told me, "I can play this waiting game. This isn't the hard part. The hard part will be when my mom is gone and I can't pick up the phone to say, "Hey mom, can you watch the boys for me?" Or, "Hey mom, do you have the recipe for such and such?" That's going to be the hard part for me when I can't just pick up the phone when I NEED my MOM!" I just cried! I had never thought about it that way. I still NEED my MOM too and she's still here! How lucky I am to not only have my mom, but I still have my grandma too! I'm taking this time to say how much I LOVE my momma and my grandma too! I can't imagine my life without them, because I DO still need them both! I think that I have taken this time that I have with them for granted. I've been so wrapped up in my life with MY family, that I don't always take the time that I need to express my heartfelt love and appreciation for my mom and my grandma. I am going to make that a priority because our days are numbered and I don't want to miss one moment and I certainly don't want to wait until it's too late to tell them how much I LOVE THEM!

Love to you MOM and all those momma's out there!!!!!!