My first Wednesday's Walk

I'm sort of new at this. I've had my blog for quite a while, but just never really knew what to do with it. I've been following a "friend" of mine's blog and decided to give it another try. The "friend" that I'm referring to is Lynnette Kraft. Her blog is http://lynnettekraft.blogspot.com. I use the quotations when I say friend because I've never actually met her in person, yet she's been such a great friend to me. She reached out to me after a mutual friend of ours told her about Bayli. This mutual friend also sent me a copy of Lynnette's book titled In Faithfulness, He Afflicted Me. I've started reading it finally and have just felt inspired, I guess.

A memory to share......well, let's see?? The freshest most meaningful memory that I have right now would be the experience of gaining a daughter and losing her all at the same time. My third daughter Bayli Lucille was stillborn on April 28, 2009. I can tell you that my husband and I thought we were done before we found out we were pregnant again. Needless to say we were unpleasantly surprised at the time. I still feel guilty about that. I now know that any blessing from God is something to be excited about. It took me a while to feel really connected to Bayli because I was very scared. We had just gone through a miscarriage about 1 1/2yrs earlier. That was partly why we had made the decision that we weren't going to have any more. It was a very difficult thing to go through and I didn't think I had the strength to go through it again. Boy did God show me how wrong I was. I was about 6 months along when she was stillborn. By that time, the love and connection was VERY strong. I had started to finally look to the future for her and make plans.

The night before I had Bayli, I already knew something was wrong. I hadn't felt her move all day, but tried not to worry, but that's all I did. I layed awake all night just praying. I prayed for God to give me strength. I knew I couldn't do it without him. I just kept saying through my tears, "God I'm giving this to you, because I can't do it!" God came through, of course. He surrounded us with family and friends. Was it the most difficult thing I've ever had to go through? YES! Am I still grieving? YES! I pray daily for strength from God. I can't wait until the day that I can see Bayli and the other baby again. I know they are together and I'm thankful for that. I now have two girls together here and two girls together in heaven. The baby that was a miscarriage was too early to tell if it was a boy or girl, but I'm guessing it was another girl. Who knows, maybe I'll be surprised when I get to see him or her!

Well, when I started to post, I really wanted to write about something that was much more light hearted or funny, but I realized that maybe I should share my story first. Anyway, I'll save that for next time. Thanks for letting me share my memory. It really does help to be able to talk to others about it.

Please join me on Wednesday's Walk and don't forget to hop on over to Lynette's site. She's AWESOME!

Kelci

My journey has taken a turn......

It's taken me a while to post, but here I am! I realized that when I wrote my last post that I was pregnant at the time, but didn't know it. Most of you (probably all of you) know that Bayli Lucille Lowmaster was stillborn on April 28, 2009. Although I'm still grieving and sad, I look to the Lord for strength and comfort. I've had some people ask me how I can remain so strong in my faith after what happened and the answer is......It's all I have! The truth is, I can't do it alone. It's too hard, it's too overwhelming & frankly....I'm just not that strong. Our grief has brought our family closer together. We all know that each of us is hurting in our own way and when you are in that kind of grief....you tread lightly on each other's feelings. I'm not going to tell you that we don't still get mad at each other, but it's less often and for shorter periods of time. I'm a different person because of Bayli. I love her and miss her everyday, but can't wait until the day that I can see her and hold her again.

I have a new found understanding of anyone who has had to bury a child. It wasn't by choice, but I have found that in this "community" we all help each other. It definitely has helped me to be able to talk to others that have gone through what we have gone through. If there is anyone that you know or that is reading this and is struggling with a similar grief, please let me help. It would help me as well.

I hope that I can at least try to get back here once a week, but no promises. I'm not going to stress about it if I don't. Thanks for listening and hope to "see" you again soon!

I can't seem to keep up!

I start something new thinking, this time I will do it. I will keep up and not quit. And then life happens. I just can't seem to find the time it takes to spend on here to keep everything current. I can't keep my house current, much less my blog! Anyway, I try to get on Facebook about everyday or every other day. It's pretty quick and doesn't take much thought or creativity. I haven't been on here in well.......FOREVER! I have pics on my camera that I haven't done anything with. Hopefully soon I'll be able to catch up. What am I saying? Here come the holidays. Never mind! I can't make any promises. We are getting ready to leave town to go skiing for Thanksgiving!!!!!!!!!! I can't wait! There's not much snow, but that's ok. It's still a vacation and I'm ready! Happy Thanksgiving to you all!!! Any probably Merry Christmas since I probably won't make it back before then!

Where did the summer go?

OH Wait.....they have no summer! Geesh! I can't believe that school will be starting in 2 days. It just gets earlier and earlier every year. I have not been on here FOREVER as you can tell and I know you can ALL relate. Life just passes us by and I don't know about you, but it feels like I've missed it. Crazy, busy schedules keep us from enjoying the lazy dog days of summer. We did however get to go on our 1st every family vacation. I guess what I mean by that is this is the 1st vacation that we've taken with just the 4 of us and we had the time of our lives!!!!!!! I mean that whole heartedly. I hope that our girls (well probably not Kenidi) will remember this for years to come. I know I will!!! We spent most of the time at The Great Wolf Lodge, but ventured out a few times to some other places around Kansas City. Of course I had an uncooperative camera to capture the memories (would have helped if I had more batteries, but couldn't remember until I needed it of course!), so here is a brief glimpse of our summer vacation.

The Great Wolf Lodge 2008

Harli's 1st piano recital!

This was Harli's 1st piano recital. I am so proud of her! She was flawless! Her piano teacher had the most amazing compliments. I just can't tell you how proud we all are of her! When she started taking piano lessons, the teacher was afraid she might be just a little too young. Well, I think she surpassed even the teacher's expectations of her. She says Harli has amazing stage presence for her age and was very impressed. It was a wonderful memorable evening and I hope Harli will continue with piano because she seems to be naturally talented. I couldn't really get any pictures because I was too busy videoing, but here are a couple.

A little about us.....

Mostly my entries are about my girls (probably more about Harli since Kenidi doesn't have much action in her life yet), but today is a little about Tiger and I. Please say a prayer for Tiger. We have been joking lightly about his test results that he got from his new patient routine physical that he got a little over a week ago, but really it's kind of scary. His cholesterol is too high and therefore they scheduled him for a treadmill test this last Wednesday. Well, he didn't pass and now has to go back again for a more intense treadmill test this coming Wednesday. His genetic history is not good either. Both of his grandfather's had heart disease and open heart surgery before they died and his father has had open heart surgery now twice! His 1st surgery was when he was in his 40's and Tiger's not too far from that now. Anyway, we don't technically have any bad news yet, but there is cause for concern and that really scares me!!!! The good news is that now I think he will FINALLY start making some healthier choices when it comes to eating. He is about the worlds worst!!!!! And by him doing that, I'm hoping it will in turn get me back on track to shed some more weight myself. I guess I should update you all and let you know that I AM 20 1/2 pounds lighter then I was Jan 1st (Yeah Me!), but I still have a ways to go and I've sort of gotten off track the last couple of weeks. I haven't really gained any, but I haven't lost anymore either and I have plenty more to go! Anyway, enough about me!


HOW 'BOUT THEM HAWKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ROCK CHALK JAYHAWK, GO KU!
I am a 3rd generation Jayhawk fan and have been pretty much my whole life!!!!!

Harli & Tiger at the Father/Daughter Dance

Harli & Tiger went to the Father/Daughter dance Saturday night at the Derby High School. It was hosted through the Girl Scouts. They had a really good time. I wasn't able to get many photos and the ones that I did get didn't turn out so well. We were running short on time and realized that the door's opened 30 minutes before they left. I didn't get to do anything special with Harli's hair (not that she really cared!), but I had plans and they didn't work out. When I asked Harli if her and daddy danced she said yes and when I asked her if he was a good dancer (which I already knew the answer), she very quietly said, "No, not really." I thought that was funny, but very nice that she didn't want to tell her daddy that. She was really looking forward to it (and Tiger was as well), so I'm glad they had a good time. The Girl Scouts took a couple of pictures at the dance and they were able to print them and bring them home as well. They don't look as good scanned as they do printed, but they're all right. Hope everyone had a great weekend!!!!!
Oh, by the way ROCK CHALK JAYHAWK, GO KU!!!!!!