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Wednesday, July 8, 2009

My first Wednesday's Walk



I'm sort of new at this. I've had my blog for quite a while, but just never really knew what to do with it. I've been following a "friend" of mine's blog and decided to give it another try. The "friend" that I'm referring to is Lynnette Kraft. Her blog is http://lynnettekraft.blogspot.com. I use the quotations when I say friend because I've never actually met her in person, yet she's been such a great friend to me. She reached out to me after a mutual friend of ours told her about Bayli. This mutual friend also sent me a copy of Lynnette's book titled In Faithfulness, He Afflicted Me. I've started reading it finally and have just felt inspired, I guess.

A memory to share......well, let's see?? The freshest most meaningful memory that I have right now would be the experience of gaining a daughter and losing her all at the same time. My third daughter Bayli Lucille was stillborn on April 28, 2009. I can tell you that my husband and I thought we were done before we found out we were pregnant again. Needless to say we were unpleasantly surprised at the time. I still feel guilty about that. I now know that any blessing from God is something to be excited about. It took me a while to feel really connected to Bayli because I was very scared. We had just gone through a miscarriage about 1 1/2yrs earlier. That was partly why we had made the decision that we weren't going to have any more. It was a very difficult thing to go through and I didn't think I had the strength to go through it again. Boy did God show me how wrong I was. I was about 6 months along when she was stillborn. By that time, the love and connection was VERY strong. I had started to finally look to the future for her and make plans.

The night before I had Bayli, I already knew something was wrong. I hadn't felt her move all day, but tried not to worry, but that's all I did. I layed awake all night just praying. I prayed for God to give me strength. I knew I couldn't do it without him. I just kept saying through my tears, "God I'm giving this to you, because I can't do it!" God came through, of course. He surrounded us with family and friends. Was it the most difficult thing I've ever had to go through? YES! Am I still grieving? YES! I pray daily for strength from God. I can't wait until the day that I can see Bayli and the other baby again. I know they are together and I'm thankful for that. I now have two girls together here and two girls together in heaven. The baby that was a miscarriage was too early to tell if it was a boy or girl, but I'm guessing it was another girl. Who knows, maybe I'll be surprised when I get to see him or her!

Well, when I started to post, I really wanted to write about something that was much more light hearted or funny, but I realized that maybe I should share my story first. Anyway, I'll save that for next time. Thanks for letting me share my memory. It really does help to be able to talk to others about it.

Please join me on Wednesday's Walk and don't forget to hop on over to Lynette's site. She's AWESOME!

Kelci

4 comments:

croleyc69 said...

Praying for you so much. I had 2 miscarriages. It's still tough , I have 4 children today. :) HUGS & PRAYERS
Caroline

Linda said...

I am so glad that you posted on Wednesday's Walk. I am so sorry for the loss of your little girl, and also your miscarriage.

I am Lynnette's mom. I can pray for you with a heart of understanding.

Linda @ Truthful Tidbits

Kelci said...

Thanks so much for the prayers and the kind words. Very comforting. I'm so new at this that I wasn't even sure I was doing it correctly. I'm still not sure I am. I'm learning! Thanks again,
Kelci

Lynnette Kraft said...

KELCI! I'm just getting around to responding to Wednesday's Walks...time is so limited these days...but I always get around to it eventually.

I was so excited to see that you joined in! I didn't realize you had a blog. I'm excited to be able to read what you write. :)

Thank you for sharing about Bayli. I know what you mean about not be happy about a pregnancy and then regretting it. Remember in my book when I talked about finding out I was pregnant with Josiah? I wasn't ready yet and then when he died I felt so guilty about ever feeling that way. Like you though, it didn't take long for me to be totally in love with my baby. It's just human nature to do that sometimes. Sometimes life is overwhelming.

Thank you for joining in and I hope we'll see you in the future as well. I'm looking forward to getting know you better.

Your "chum",
Lynnette
PS - See, since you read my blog, you are technically one of my chums! That's my little term of endearment for my blogging friends. hee hee