Wednesday, August 12, 2009

An Emotional Day......

I hope you don't mind the interruption, but I need to share my feelings today.

Yesterday I started a very joyful post about our trip to San Antonio. I was going to use it for Wednesday's Walk, but I didn't get time to finish, so here I am instead.

Today was Bayli's due date, exactly 3 months and 2 weeks since we said goodbye to our little girl. It's been a very strange day for me. I've been trying to hold back the tears and distract myself today, but it just hasn't worked. I finally broke down just a little while ago. My day started off when I woke up late and didn't get my daily prayer time in like I usually do. Because of that, it felt like I hadn't really ever started my day, yet here I am and it's 2:16pm. Are you wondering if I made time for prayer? Yes I did. Finally. Boy did I really break down big time during prayer, but I feel so much better now. Partly because I needed to talk to God about my feelings and ask him for strength, and partly because I needed to let some emotion out.

I still think of my baby girl often. Believe it or not, I can picture what delivery was going to be like and I can picture holding her in my arms. She probably would have been here by now. I can picture the joy and chaos that a new baby brings. I was so looking forward to it, even though she wasn't our original plan. I dream of the day that I can be with her again. I hope it's soon! I want us all to be in the wonderful place that she is. I imagine it to be even more beautiful than I can imagine. Did that make sense?

I thank God everyday for the special people in my life that have helped me tremendously since we lost Bayli. They hold a special place in my heart, but I've figured out that it's God that has helped me and been there for me and he put those special people in my life.

I truly am thankful for having the short period of time that we had with Bayli. I know she was given to us for a special reason and now she's basking in God's glory!

So thank you for letting me spill it all out today. I sure needed it!



Linda said...

Oh Kelci, Of course you would be emotional today. I am sorry for the loss of your little Bayli. That must be so hard to know that this would have been her due date. I stopped and prayed for you and I hope that God will wrap his arms of love around you today and bring you peace.

Have you read my daughter Lynnette's book,..."In Faithfulness He Afflicted Me" ? As you probably know she has lost 2infant sons and her 6 year old daughter. This book is an encouragement to anyone who reads it, but especially to those who have lost children.

I know you follow her or at least participate in her Weds. Walk,...but her book would bless you honey.

Thanks for your comment on my post today.

Love, Linda @ Truthful Tidbits

Brandi said...

Know that I am praying for you today and will continue to pray. It is hard for me to read what you are experiencing eventhough I have been there. Losing a child is a pain like no other and even knowing that they are living in eternity, we can't help imagine what it would be like if they would of spent some time here with us. Today I just got a new calendar for me to keep up with the chaotic school year we are about to embark upon. The first thing I did was flip to December and I wrote "Karston 6" on December 11. Almost 6 years and I still think about his birthday, he would be starting Kindergarden this year, playing baseball like his brothers, etc. etc., each and every milestone that he would of conquered like the other kiddos.

You have a beautiful heart. Maybe there was a reason you slept in this morning. God knows what He is doing. He knew that you would need some special time with Him later today when things seemed to be too much. Prayer is a wonderful thing. God's grace and mercy is amazing!!!

We will all be rejoicing one day soon and be reunited with our little ones in heaven. Stay Strong!!!! Love you!

Kate said...

Thanks for sharing with us today! I will be praying for you!

Lisa Spurlock said...

Jesus has indeed "brought the rain," huh? That song says, "If that's what it takes to Praise You, Jesus bring the rain!" It has been years since we have been around one another, but the one thing that is standing out to me is the incredible "refinement" the Lord has brought upon your life. Talk about beautiful, amiga! You are definitely praising Him and trusting Him--in spite of what the world calls "rain." And do you know what? Who can say that this entire journey with Bayli has not been "to prosper you, and not to harm you?" The hand prints of the Almighty God and His faithfulness to you is evident every time you share your story. Thanks for sharing! Your faith has been a wonderful testimony to me this morning. I am humbled that the gracious hand of God is still mercifully reaching to us in this life--in spite of our times of faithlessness.

I am sure that your heart is longing to reunite with your daughter these days. I will keep you in my prayers, my OBVIOUS sister in Christ. I am so thankful for our youthful years together, as they are packed with wonderful memories!
Love you,